Are you blaming yourself or your partner because you don’t want to have sex anymore? 


If you've lost your libido and want to get it back so you can want sex again, connect with your partner, stop fighting about sex, and stop feeling guilty and like there's something wrong with you, this episode is for you!


I'll explain the 3 things you can do to get your libido back so you can have a great sex life at any age, no matter how long you’ve been with your partner.


Schedule a consultation to get started with the Complete Sleep Solution program so you can consistently sleep 7+ hours uninterrupted, naturally and permanently.


Resource: Diary Of A CEO Susan Bratton interview


00:00 Introduction: Struggling with Low Libido?

00:49 Understanding the Root Causes of Low Libido

02:06 Personal Experience and Insights

03:30 Identifying the Real Problem

04:15 Three Steps to Regain Your Libido

04:19 Step 1: Prioritize Sleep

05:51 Step 2: Balance Your Hormones

07:00 Step 3: Addressing Stress and Imbalances

08:51 Beyond Physical Imbalances: Emotional Connection

10:46 Conclusion: Restoring Your Health and Libido


Episode Transcript


Are you blaming yourself or your partner because you don't want to have sex anymore? If you've lost your libido and want to get it back so that you can want sex again, connect with your partner, stop fighting about sex, and stop feeling guilty and there's something wrong with you. This is for you.


I'm going to explain the three things you can do to get your libido back. So you can have a great sex life at any age, no matter how long you've been with your partner. 


This is the sleep detective podcast where you'll learn why you can't sleep and how to fix it naturally. I'm Martha Lewis. And as a functional health coach, I've helped over 200 clients find the root causes of their health issues so they can restore their health, sleep well, and get their libido back.


Now, my, most of my clients are coming to me for sleep, but a lot of them end up, it turns out that they also. Have lack of libido, and this is one of their complaints or concerns.


But it might not be their primary one, right? Cause there, there can be other things going on, especially waking up at three in the morning and not able to get back to sleep and just feeling tired all day and feeling in a fog and having aches and pains and things like that. That becomes more important.


Then not wanting sex, but low libido or not wanting sex is a sign that your body isn't healthy, that your body is out of balance because a healthy body does want that, evolutionary wise, we are meant to want to have sex, to procreate, to make. Children to carry on our genes. And so we're also meant to sleep well, we're meant to feel good and be in a good mood and not have aches and pains and things like that.


And so any of those things are just signs that your body isn't totally healthy. And even if you live a healthy lifestyle and you eat well and you exercise and Maybe you take supplements and things like that. Just like I did. I, was passionate about nutrition and health for many years and yet I still develop sleep issues.


And I got to the point where I also lost my desire to have sex. And this happened after my son was born and right after he was born. I actually had a strong libido even though I wasn't sleeping that well, but hormones are doing crazy things during and after pregnancy. After that seemed to wear off and I literally had just zero sex drive for a couple of years and at first I thought it was because, Oh, I've been married for a while and I have a young baby and maybe this is just how it is.


But then once I solved my sleep issues and fix the imbalances in my body that were affecting my sleep, my libido came back. So it wasn't gone forever and we're meant to have this desire, even as we get older, and I'm sure I've heard many stories of people in their 50s, 60s, 70s, having the best sex of their lives.


So we're not just meant for that part of us to shut down just because. We're getting a little bit older and we're busy in midlife and things like that. Although it makes sense that happens when we're busy, we're tired, we aren't sleeping well, all of those things. So if you are currently like, you're just ignoring the problem, avoiding it or avoiding sex, having to come up with reasons why you can't have sex with your partner, maybe you're even pushing through it, but it doesn't feel enjoyable and you're not looking forward to it.


You're having what's called What I've heard recently called mercy sex with your partner. Like you're just giving it to them cause you know that you should. And but you're not really into it. Maybe you're trying lingerie or things to spice it up. Maybe you're trying estrogen progesterone, sex hormones, supplements like maca and things to boost libido.


So none of those things are actually going to get to the root of the problem. So here are the three things that you need to do. And the first one, May not surprise you, but you need to get enough sleep. There was a study that found that women's libido increased by 14 percent for every additional hour of sleep she got. And studies also show that lack of sleep can decrease a man's testosterone, which is going to affect libido.


So this works for both men and women. And when you're sleeping well, then You wake up with energy, you wake up feeling rested. You're, instead of just getting through each day, like no one wants to have sex when they're just getting through each day and can't wait to fall into bed cause they're so exhausted at the end of the night.


And so when you're sleeping well and have energy, then you're going to want sex and your libido is going to come back. So that's the number one key. Now, if you're listening to this, you're probably like, yeah, I know I want to sleep. So that is, What we're going to get to next because if you want to sleep and you can't maybe you're having a hard time falling asleep Maybe you're waking up in the middle of the night for a while.


Maybe you're waking up too early Maybe you're tossing and turning all night. You're not sleeping restfully then There are imbalances in your body that are causing that as well. So the same thing that's causing your sleep issues is also causing your low libido and other symptoms. So the second thing you want to do is balance your hormones.


And I just want you to know that you're not broken. It's just your hormones are imbalanced or totally depleted. And so sometimes You know, I do recommend bioidentical hormone replacement therapy if, I use the, what's called the Dutch test. It's a dried urine test for comprehensive hormones to look at sex hormones and all of my clients, both women and men.


A lot of times, Women, especially as we get older and men, our hormones become depleted over time. And that's because stress in the body causes that with which I will explain in a minute. So sometimes hormone replacement therapy can be helpful and even necessary. But what I try to do first, especially if you're younger and haven't for women, then what we want to do actually is find out what's stressing your body, what those imbalances in your body are and fix those things.


And then your hormones can balance themselves. And this is because when your body is stressed and it's constantly making cortisol to deal with stress. It takes those resources away from your sex, from making sex hormones like estrogen, progesterone, testosterone. So cortisol and your sex hormones are all steroid hormones.


So they're made of a lot of the same materials or components. And Again, when your body's having to make all this cortisol, it's not going to make sex hormones. And also our bodies are always going to prioritize survival. What it sees as survival, which it sees stress as survival being threatened. It's always going to prioritize survival over reproduction or digestion or even immune function.


So that's why that happens. So when we address What's going on in your gut? If your liver isn't detoxing properly. And if you're depleted in neurotransmitters and vitamins and minerals or your, there are toxins like heavy metals or mold that are stressing your body. So when we address those things, your overall stress lowers.


So your body's not having to make cortisol all the time and then it can focus on making the sex hormones which are important for so many things besides libido, but are definitely necessary for a healthy sex drive. So that's how to fix everything. First of all, you need to sleep, you need to balance your hormones and we do that by lowering the other stressors in the body.


That are causing your hormones to be out of balance. And then you can also sleep well, you can fall asleep easily, stay asleep all night, wake up feeling rested and have energy for the day. Now I will say, there, there may be more to this. 2. 0 libido than just physical imbalances. You might also need to work on connecting with your partner, trying new things like that.


I highly recommend, I recently listened to the diary of a CEO podcast by Steven Bartlett and he recommend he interviewed Susan Bratton who is a sexpert and she she gave some really good advice. So I will link to that. Episode in the show notes. So if this is something that you're struggling with, then this could also help too.


But that's more if you're maybe in a long term relationship and just not desiring your partner as much. If you're like I was like, just not having any desire at all ever, like the libido is just gone. That's more than just. Working on connection and things like that with your partner can help. So that's a sign that again, your body isn't totally healthy.


There are stressors there that you don't know about. And if you aren't sleeping well, then it's affecting your libido. So when you figure this out, when you get your libido back, You're more relaxed. You're out of that fight or flight. And so then you want to have sex, right? When your body isn't dealing with these stressors inside internally that you don't even know we're there, then you can relax.


Your nervous system can calm down and. Get you in a state where you want to have sex, you're going to feel more connected with your partner. You're going to feel less shame. You're going to feel a lot more empowered. How amazing does it feel when we're wanting and getting sex? You're going to feel a lot more confident and you can stop being jealous of your sexually active friends when you are the one having sex as well.


All right. So if this is something that you want support with. Libido and sleep and overall health. That is what I can help you with. So my complete sleep solution program is a one on one private coaching program that includes lab testing, functional lab tests that show imbalances in your body that's missed by blood work.


And then we work together for six months. I give you a customized plan to get your body back in balance, to look for all the pieces that are out of balance that are causing stress in your body. And help correct them and then you're able your, your health is restored and then you can sleep normally.


You can have a strong sex drive. You can have energy. You can get back to feeling vibrant every day, which is how we're meant to be. Even as we get older. So the first step is to book a consultation with me. So we will talk about what's going on with your sleep and health and what you've tried so far. I'll ask you what your goals are.


What are you looking for? What are you hoping to achieve? And then if you're interested, I will tell you how the Complete Sleep Solution Program can help you achieve those goals in six months or less. So, I will put the link to the consult in the notes here in the comments and I would love to meet you and talk to you soon and help you with this. Get your sleep back and your sex life back so that you can get your relationships back.

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